5 Things We Wish We’d Done/known Before Marriage and Parenting…

 

man in black long sleeved shirt and woman in black dress
Photo by Jasmine Wallace Carter on Pexels.com

We can all agree that being a young parent nowadays is very normal. Is it ok? Hmm, it depends who you ask. I myself chose to become a mom at the age of eighteen, yes my husband and I wanted to be young parents. But did we know what we were getting ourselves into? Nope!

Do we regret it? Nope! We weren’t ready but we don’t regret it.

 

See when we’re young and in love, we can make some harsh decisions without measuring all possible outcomes. I blame all the hormones our brain releases that makes us believe we can handle anything life throws at us. Don’t they say love conquers all? Maybe, Maybe not. Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret becoming a mom at eighteen. There are just some things we (my husband and I)  wish we’d done and known before diving head first into the parenting world and on top of that marriage; which is a whole different story. We’ve had this conversation many times over and every time we talk about it we find so many things we could have done better.

This is our list:

The Do’s:

  • EXPERIENCE SOCIAL LIFE: When I say this I literally mean being more social, getting to know other people and experiencing the things people our age were experiencing. My husband and I were caught up in a very complicated situation where we couldn’t go out and experience life, literally. Why? Because we had expectations to live up to. To be more specific Church. We were brought up with a very limited mindset where simple things like having a social life and going out to the movies were not allowed because it would lead you to sin.

 

  • TRAVELING: Before getting married I used to travel, maybe not as often as I would have wanted to but I had the chance to go and spend time with my sister who I miss so dearly! But I could have traveled to different countries and experience other cultures. Traveling didn’t even have to be far, I would have been ok if my husband and I could have shared a trip to Disney world! I can say that there is a whole world for him and me to explore, hopefully when we’re older.

 

            The Known:

 

  • DO NOT GO LIVE WITH THE IN-LAWS!: I’m sure somebody must have mentioned it but we definitely disregarded that sacred advise. Lol, that must be the biggest mistake we did and it led to so many avoidable arguments. I say avoidable but really we were doing as best as we could. At first, we had to live with my mom because I was being a brat and couldn’t detach myself from the comfort of being home and of course we couldn’t afford to live alone even if we wanted to because my husband was the only one working. A year later we moved into our first apartment because we “couldn’t handle the lack of privacy” or so we thought. Well, our independence didn’t last very long as we had to move in with my in-laws because someone broke into our apartment and didn’t feel safe. We promised each other we wouldn’t last long there either and find a place fast! Which thank God we did because his mom and I didn’t quite get along at that time.

 

 

  • SAVINGS/ FINANCIAL PLAN: Oh my! Ask me how much money we had saved up when I got pregnant? $0. Who in their right mind decides to have a baby without a financial plan!? That’d be my husband and me. We were madly in love, that’s the only explanation. But all seriousness it was irresponsible of us to do that because what if we didn’t have our family that helped us, which we are very thankful for. We didn’t have savings or a plan on how we were going to take care of the baby and our needs. We just knew we had a baby on the way and God be with us. You know what’s worse, 4 months into my pregnancy my husband lost his job. Now we’re pregnant and jobless. He soon got a job, where he grew and was able to take care of us. Okay, so my husband had a good job but did we know how to handle our finances? Nope! All the money that was left we would spend and not save even a little. Later on, we realized that we wanted to have a better car and had no money saved. So we end up financing which we carried on for a long time and just got from bad to worse as the years went by because we didn’t know any better. I then started working because I thought more income would make the load a little lighter. But since we didn’t have a financial plan or a budget we just kept spending the money. So yeah, a financial plan should have been one of the first things we should have done.

 

 

  • SEX LIFE WILL DRAMATICALLY CHANGE: Yes, don’t tell me otherwise because we found out the hard way! We had a whole movie built up in our heads of how married life was going to be and finally living alone; sex was going to be wild and non-stop! HA-HA! We realized that was not going to happen unless we got our shit together and made time for it. Yes, can you imagine being so young and already planning sex! Listen you can tell me how wrong I am and that it can happen and you might be right but like I said you have to commit to it. At that time we were juggling so many things at the same time for the first time and sex was the least important in our to-do list. And we found out it should have been given a little more priority. Working and having a toddler made everything exhausting for both of us. He would watch the baby while I made dinner and prep lunch for the next day, after dinner I had to clean up, he would help bathe the baby and by the time we got to bed we had little energy left and if we had sex it was what we called a “quicky” lol. But for the majority of the time, we would choose sleep over sex. Which was not ok but it worked for us for a while until we realized we needed to do better.

 

To all of that add the responsibility of both being ministers at church and serving 4 days a week, without counting the days we had to attend meetings and rehearsals. Believe me, we got to a point where it was too much a burden because we were living a life that was not making us happy. We got caught up in the “serve the Lord first and all other things will follow” lifestyle. It doesn’t work that way I’m sure God didn’t intend for us to go through all that struggle, but we were young and like I said our upbringing was with a very limited and religious mindset. Thankfully we made adjustments and figured it out. We have a plan, we know what we want, and we are working to achieve all our goals slowly but surely!

I hope you enjoyed the read, I’d love to know your personal experiences! Leave a comment or like if you found it helpful.

With all my love,

Kiara

 

Advertisements

Daddy, Thank You for Leaving Me…

adolescence adorable blur child
Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels.com

It’s been 25 years and counting since you left. I understand why you left my mother but I still haven’t gotten a reason as to why you left me. Now that I’m an adult I know how life works I myself have experienced unexpected twists and turns. Sometimes I’ve made bad decisions and others I’ve made the right call. But I can assure you I have learned a lot more when I’ve made a bad decision,(I hope you have too).

 

I thought you should know some things that contributed to the making of the strong woman I am today, you leaving me being one of them.

When I was eight a bastard tried to rape me multiple times; thankfully he never succeeded (I might have a guardian angel assigned to me or I’m just a badass fighter!) this went on until I was ten.

Around ten years old I almost died during an earthquake. There were times when mom had no money for food to feed us, thank God for her friends and neighbors that helped. (Also I have to thank you for choosing her as my mother, you did well there.) Many times I reached out to you and you were never able to make time for me. 

 

See I could go on and on about all the bad things I went through and all the important moments you missed in my life. To be honest, that’s not why I chose to write this. The main reason for me writing this is to tell you that I wish you had never left but at the same time, I thank you for doing so because in you leaving me and making me go through the pain I experienced made me the strong woman I am today. Also, I can appreciate my children more because I learned to love them deeply and unconditionally. I know the pain of living without you and I could never do that to them ever. It made me take care of myself physically and emotionally because I want to have longevity so I can enjoy them as much as I possibly can. Thanks to you every day I wake up with the drive to be a better mother and bettering myself in every aspect so that my kids can have the best of me.

 

I want you to know I’m still waiting. I have a heart that holds no grudges against you and has forgiven you long ago. I totally understand that you were young and ignorant. I know that your decisions were not the best and I just hope that one day you truly forgive yourself for it and that you can find peace. I wish you nothing but the best for the rest of your life.

Every day I become stronger, every pain I go through is a stepping stone, and every loss makes me more appreciative of what I have. Thank you for your contribution.

 

For my friends that have gone through the same experience as I have. I want you to know that it is possible to love above all the pain and sorrow.

woman stands on mountain over field under cloudy sky at sunrise
Photo by Victor Freitas on Pexels.com

Don’t forget to show some love and like. Sending you all a loving hug!

 

With all my love,

 

Kiara